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Showing posts from June, 2014

10 Months: Training - Days 180 - 184

Monday

I seem to have a constant dialog running in my head that I can't turn off.  It can be maddening some days when my head is burning and feels so full that another internal thought will make it explode.  Last night I was wondering just exactly why I was so emotionally exhausted and it dawned on me - my internal dialog had drifted from "writing" my blog in my head (I do that a lot) to daydreaming of being in some TV show (my default escape when I am overloaded) and back to "writing" my blog.  Did I say it was maddening?  Anyway, it dawned on me what the problem is.

I have PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which means I can easily overload.  I grew up in a home that was nothing but clutter and dirty dishes and felt trapped by it as a child.  As an adult clutter starts to trigger the feelings of a traumatic childhood and I can easily begin to feel pulled apart when a lot of people want a lot of things from me in a very short time.

I selected a job …

10 Months: Training - Days 175 - 179

Monday - Friday

I am so very tired and so very behind on everything.  My house looks like a disaster zone and with Chevy blowing his coat, it looks like I have a fur rug in the house.  I am sore, busy and unable to keep up with the dog's blogs or even my business blog!  The best I can do is a quick update on Facebook to tell everyone how each dog did for the day!

It is Sunday after the long and busy week and I will actually not be producing a blog post for the weekend.  Instead, I decided both Malcolm and I needed a break for the weekend and we enjoyed lovely games of fetch, lazing about the house and my catching up on much needed housework and getting my office ready for working in again.  It had become a storage unit and I can't work in it when it's a wreck.  I got it cleaned up, the floors done, the laundry caught up, the bedding changed, the dusting done and the kitchen cleaned up.  I am sitting here at 5:30 PM on Sunday night listening to the soft breathing of Malcolm…

Public Access: Petsmart and Beyond

Saturday

I have a client I am supporting through her first class with her dog.  She'd had a bad experience with her previous experience in a classroom setting and was truly apprehensive about the first time she brought her dog.  Walter, my son, had called earlier in the week and arranged to come meet me at Diamonds in the Ruff and then head out with Malcolm to do some focused training on stairs, only I had forgotten in the hustle of my busy week with Chevy and Emma.  As class ended and I was preparing to walk my client out to her car, Walter stepped into the building and surprised me and then I remembered I had arranged to meet him.  My mind is mush!

We left with Malcolm, who had waited in my van the entire class time.  The day was wet, cold and miserable and I really didn't have the mental, emotional or physical energy to do anything taxing.  Instead I asked Walter if he could go with me to Costco and pick up some supplies for the dogs and home.

He was more than happy to do so…

10 Months: Training - Days 170 - 174

Monday - Friday

I am so tired!  Chevy is a lot of heavy duty work to keep him under threshold and both the boys calm.  On Friday night both boys decided to play the teenage "I don't wanna come in" game and I was so tired I was actually swearing as I walked them down in the yard and captured them and walked them into the house.  I was able to capture and walk Chevy in, but Malcolm is a quick whippersnapper and I, in the end, got so mad at him, out of pure exhaustion, that I was practically growling when I told him to get in the fing house!  He shot up the ramp and waited with his "We Come In Peace" ears and I knew I needed to take time to myself.
Though I would take Malcolm out a couple of times for public access training, I mostly took the boys over to play at Ronda's or relaxed at home and just recharged my batteries the best I could.  I went to bed early Sunday night due to pure need for sleep, but Chevy had developed a habit of sleeping ON my feet or AT …